the rumor of Academy's withdrawal of their M3 Lee has produced a lot of wailing
and gnashing of teeth. Our pulse quickened last fall when we heard she was coming
into town. We got some eye candy from the Toy Fair and she looked pretty damn
hot, didn't she? And then what happens? A Dear John message on a website.
on, guys! Is this the first time you've been left high and dry? You've never had
the door slammed on your nose as you were waiting for the invite to come inside
for a nightcap? We've all been there, and what did we do?
all went back to our girlfriends and spouses, right?
This was before girlfriends and spouses! We went right out there and tried to
find the next best thing! And what would that be? ABM's resin M3? Well, I can't
say for myself, because I've never met her face to face. I've heard a lot of good
things about her, she's got style, class. But she's resin. And resin can be fickle.
And we all know something else about Ms. ABM Lee: she's not always around when
you need her, if you know what I mean.
friends, where does that leave us? Uh-huh. Yup. I know what you're thinking. I
know what you're going to say. Tsk!
grant you, she's not as well rounded as the others. She may come up a little bit
short in some respects. Some parts might not be just right for her type. Her links
might not all be as well connected as, oh, you know, what's-her-name. Yes, she's
a bit older than these young hotties. Okay, quite a bit older.
you HAVE thought about her, haven't you?
see Ms. Tamiya Lee every time you go into your LHS, lying there between the Stuarts
and the Dingos. You've maybe exchanged some shy glances, a quick smile. You might
have even fantasized about her. Huh? Huh? U-huh. Thought so.
you were always looking for action, not a commitment. You were after the hot new
thing, the easy score. A quick weekend tumble. Go to work Monday morning, with
paint stains on your fingers and an emptiness in the pit of your very being, or
somewhere near there.
Friday night you're at the shelves again, slack-jawed, jingling your car keys
in your pocket. It's the one place you can go without having to suck your gut
up under your armpits. And you scuff your way sideways down the aisle, bobble-headed.
Suddenly your spine snaps tighter than the cap on a bottle of Testors. Your eyes
reel back in their sockets.
Tamiya Lee is---gone!
not there between the Dingos and the Stuarts! Not near the Shermans or Jacksons
or even the Tigers or Panthers. Not even under the Sturmgeschutz (Oh, the horror!!).
you can't help but think, wow, now there's a hole in my marrow, or something like
that. I thought she'd always be here for me. I didn't think. Didn't know.
pal, I knew. I bought her, took her out of that store where no one else appreciated
her. Yes, I knew I'd have to spend some money on her. Get her some sexy accessories.
Brighten her up with a bit of make up. Okay, a lot of make up.
so she's not perfect. Look in the mirror, my friend. If you're not George Clooney
or Harrison Ford, shut up. If you don't want to drop 10 or 40 pounds and ponder
that hair weave infomercial again, shut up and be grateful that you have one more
chance and listen cuz I'm going to tell you a secret:
can get your own Ms. Tamiya Lee! They make LOTS of them. Most guys haven't caught
on yet. But they will, once it starts sinking in what a tease Ms. Academy Lee
is! Ms. Academy Lee. We don't neeed no steenkin' Ms. Academy Lee.
I'm going to let you in on something else, and this is the killer: it's incredible
when you get Ms. Tamiya Grant to join you--partee!! And for you guys who like
a little inside action--if you know what I mean--there's always Mr. Verlinden!
the thing is, Ms. Tamiya Lee loves it all. And she loves YOU baby, if you're good
to her and love her back.
I'm going to be straight with you here. It's not always easy. But what is, huh?
You'll have your share of misunderstandings. Your directions might not always
be clear. You'll probably have to learn some new tricks--and what's so bad about
that, making yourself a little better person along the way? The key here is to
just not rush it. Take your time. It's more fun when you take your time. It won't
be long until you find yourself awakening in the mornings and looking over at
her and whispering, "What more can I give you, my love? For I am truly blessed."
what do you want, guys, a weekend fling or something for the long haul? The quick
and easy "shake-and-bake" thrill, or a deep and abiding relationship
that you can still look back on with warmth and affection when the old X-acto
blade has dulled and you can't get your bristles stiff?
Tamiya Lee. She will always be there for you. Because she's plastic, and plastic